You Might Be Right, But You're Still an Asshole

"Don't be an asshole."
~Nelson L. Erb

I can't tell you how many times I heard my father utter this phrase growing up. Whether I was harassing my younger sister or getting argumentative about wanting to stay out past curfew, it always ended with the same five words - "Hey, don't be an asshole." And with that, it was over.

Now that I'm older and wiser (no laughing!), I've realized just how true and how widely applicable that simple phrase can be. While I don't have kids myself, I do coach collegiate track and field, and I can't tell you how many times this phrase has come in handy. The look you get when you fire that phrase to a kid that's clearly being an asshole - and usually they know it but just aren't expecting to get called on it - is priceless. Generally something somewhat dumbfounded followed by a realization that they should stop what they're doing. Brilliant in its simplicity.

So why, you ask, am I moved to reflect on childhood discipline? Well, unless you've been under a rock for the past few weeks, there's no doubt you've seen some version of the University of Florida student getting forcibly removed from the Senator Kerry Q&A session. If you haven't, google a few words in that last sentence and you'll instantly have more video than you know what to do with, but more on that later.

There's an interesting phenomenon occurring with younger people today. Myspace, youtube, facebook, and other social networks have opened up previously unheard of people and situations to the entire world via the internet. Previously private moments are now up for public display, and many embrace this faux-stardom. Whether its skateboarding, singing or just acting silly, cameras are everywhere and everything is open to everyone. George Orwell would be having a field day, but in this case we've made it easy on the government by using our own equipment. Its no surprise then, that there are different types of videos surfacing now, very similar to the one from the University of Florida.

A few weeks ago I stumbled on a different online video, this one shot from a camera mounted on the dashboard of a car - kind of like those police videos we see on COPS. However, this camera wasn't mounted on a police car, but rather on the dashboard of a car owned by 20 year old kid from St. Louis. He had previously gotten a ticket he felt he didn't deserve, but had no proof that he was in the right. This way, he figured, he would have all the evidence he needed if it ever happened again. And did it ever.

Not long after the debut of the dashboard camera, his video caught a police officer threatening to arrest him on "made up charges". The video clearly showed a cop saying he would make something up to arrest him for and take him to jail. Initially it sounds like the typical, Napoleon complexed cop with a chip on his shoulder looking to ruin some young kids night for no reason. Good for the kid for having the video.

But something told me there was more to the story that wasn't being shown, so I googled the camera man's name (its Brett Darrow, if you're curious) and found some very interesting stuff. Not only was there a lot more to the original video of the threatening cop indicating Brett was pushing the officer's buttons to get a reaction, but there were several more videos - all showing him being "unjustly" harassed by the police.

Now maybe I'm just naive, but I've been in my fair share of traffic stops (way to many in my 31 years, I've got the insurance premiums to prove it), and never once has an officer gone out of his way to give me a hard time. Never once have I been threatened with jail time for simply speeding or not wearing a seat belt. I've never even been asked to step out of the car. But here's a 20 year old kid who's almost gone to jail every time he's ever been pulled over. Strange, until you realize one thing. Every time he's been approached by a cop, he's acted like an asshole.

Instead of just answering yes sir/no sir, he'll barrage the officer with questions, argue his rights, and refuse to cooperate. While he technically isn't doing anything illegal, he is doing everything he can to get a reaction from the police. When he does, he has it all on tape and is standing by with a lawsuit. While the police might not be doing the right thing by giving him a hard time, neither is he by acting like an idiot. You get what you give.

It reminds me of my 6 and 4 year old cousins whenever things get too boring for them. Inevitably, one of them will take a toy they want nothing to do with except that the other one was playing with it, wait for a negative reaction (usually a smack in the face), then go crying to mommy and daddy. Did they want to toy? No. Did the smack even hurt? No. But there is just something satisfying about getting attention by causing someone else misery when you're five years old. Or if you're Brett Darrow, I suppose.

It was a similar thing that happned on the campus of the University of Florida during the Kerry speach. Here is a kid who clearly has an agenda, and was being obnoxious in his line of questioning. He was asked to leave, but didn't. When he didn't leave, police stepped in and removed him. Rather than say to himself, "okay, there's six cops, maybe I should just go easy and save myself some hassle" he resisted arrest and shouted for people to get it all on video, presumably so that he'd get even more attention after the altercation. He then got thrown to the ground and tased. Later he would be quoted as being paranoid about a government conspiracy against him. Now I've never met this kid, but I'll be he's not just acting like an asshole, my guess is that he's the real deal.

Maybe most intersting to me are the people that are so concerned with their rights, privacy, and the government's involvement in their lives are the very same people putting their lives on display for public viewing. My message to them? You can't have it both ways, and you've got to be careful what you wish for, or you might just get it.

Oh, and don't be an asshole.

DU-athlon?

Dousman Duathlon Event Results

Yep, results get the top billing this time, things went a little bit better!

Some years back while I was still in Pittsburgh, I spent a few years training (I use this term loosely - but those details are for another post) and competing in sprint triathlons. My theory was that since I had no real talent or desire to excel in any one endurance discipline, I could combine a few of them in one event and acheive some level of success. And to a certain extent, I did.

Its been some time since I actually thought about competing in such an event, mainly because I realized that swimming - or, more specifically, training for swimming - sucks. No offense to the swimmers out there, I have a great respect for what you do. Its just that going back and forth in a 25 meter (or yard, why is it that they're all measured just a little bit differently anyway??) pool is not my idea of a good time.

Enter the duathlon.

It turns out that there are a whole sect of people like me who think that running and biking are fun, but the swimming leaves a little to be desired. That, or its just getting too chilly around here, and even the nutty endurance folks don't want to plunge into 55 degree water when the air is even cooler. For these people, duathlon is the way to go. Generally speaking, the typical triathlon set up of swim-bike-run, is slightly modified to run-bike-run. Two diciplines instead of three, hence the DU.

In the case of the Dousman Duathlon that we competed in yesterday, the distances were a two, two mile runs split by a 20 mile bike ride. Now I must say that what Wisconsin lacks in mountain biking trails, it nearly makes up for in scenic road biking. Miles of rolling hills on back country roads with little traffic and shaded shoulders - perfect for a 20 miles on a Sunday morning. A little more chilly than I'm used to, but I'm slowly adapting.

In any event, things went much better. Finally, a place where being mediocre can actually produce some pretty good results.

14 of 15 Ain't Bad: Addendum

It was commented that I didn't list a link to the results of the aforementioned mountain bike race. Despite the dismal reality and likely ego bruise, I offer the following link for everyone's enjoyment:

Sunburst Showdown Sport Class Results

Yes, there were 163 total finishers, of which I placed 137. Now, I don't want to be accused of anything less than full disclosure, so be sure to note that even in the women's race (there were only 19 finishers), I would have barely cracked the top half. Oh, and there was a 12 year old girl nearly 7 minutes ahead of me.

Additional comments are welcome. Except from Jeff Stanners.

14 of 15 Ain't Bad

So in what has become a tireless search for new places to ride my mountain bike, a few weeks ago I stumbled across a website advertising a race series that takes place in 12 different cities within the great state of Wisconsin. Initially, I thought this was a great find. I mean, if they race bikes on these trails, surely they must be worthy of riding at other times during the year. Plus, it was advertised as the "Nation's Largest State Wide Racing Series". Kind of hard to argue with that.

As it turns out, the reason why Wisconsin (of all places) has such an extensive schedule of races is that there are so few trails and places to ride, the only time some areas allow mountain biking is under the guise of an official event like a race. So, in other words, if you want to take advantage of these unique locales, you'd better pony up 26 bucks and line up with the rest of the field on race day.

Fair enough.

Now lets talk a little about the format of these races. Keep in mind, I'm pretty much a novice to this stuff...sure I like to ride, but with the exeption of one or two ill fated efforts at racing in Pennsylvania and California, my victories have been limited to beating Jeff Stanners up the back side of Crafton Hills, as long as he didn't get a head start.

Lucky for me, there were three levels of competition to choose from - citizen, sport, and comp. The races are 10, 15, and 20 miles, repectively, of which I chose the middle. Ordinarily I would have gone with the shortest of the three, I am very much a novice afer all, but now that I live with someone highly competitive in the world of endurance sports, it was quickly brought to my attention that we don't do things that like around here. Awesome...a 15 mile "race" it is.

On race day, we arrive early enough to get in a good warm up and spend a little time learning the course. My initial observation was that there weren't any trails at all, just a path created by cutting the grass very short. The second thing I noticed was how everyone but me "looked" the part. For those of you not in the mountain biking/cycling know, riders adhere to a very specific style best described with one word - matching. The shirt matches the shorts that match the socks that have the same color as the helmet that was inspired by colors on the frame which mesh with a design on the fork which, as it just so happens, also matches the shirt. And so it goes. All brightly colored, form fitting technical fabrics that probably cost in upwards of $8 per sock. Compare this with me and my 10 year old cotton t-shirt that says "schuck me, suck me, eat me raw" (its an oyster bar reference, sheesh), black shorts with holes in the ass and broken helmet and you could say I stood out.

Anyway, after a thorough warm up and pre-race final instructions, the gun goes off, and so do all the riders but me. For crying out loud, this was a 15 mile race and everyone took off like they were sprinting to a port-a-potty across the field. Less than 1 mile into the race and I'm fearing the worst - a "DFL" finish (dead f'ing last, for those not in the endurance sport world).

Lucky for me, some of the riders did slow down, and I was actually able to catch a few of them. I was cruising up the hills and hitting the decents hard for the next 14 miles. 14 great miles of racing with one problem. It was a 15 mile race.

Now I can't say exactly where or when, but somewhere about that 14 mile mark I ran out of gas. And when I say ran out of gas, I mean I completely ran out of gas. I went from tired but still hammering over smaller hills and making aggressive moves around the other riders to just hoping the colored spots I was beginning to see didn't get so big that my vision was completely blocked. Suddenly, it was everything I could do just to turn the pedals. Lucky for me, the last part was relatively flat, and I was able to finish the race on the bike. Unfortunately, most of the other riders weren't feeling so queezy, and what must have been a least 20 bikes passed me like I was standing still.

But really, I'm not trying to make excuses, althought it seems that I need to find one seeing as how I just got smoked on a hilly course (by Wisconsin standards) by a bunch of guys who don't even really know what a hill is. Or maybe next time I can just find a race that's only 14 miles long.